What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

If there exists a “New York of Australia”, is it Sydney or Melbourne?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?

Make Nazis afraid again!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Why is India lagging behind China in economic development when India is a democracy while China isn’t?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Why is the Middle East prone to terrorism?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

What blowjob techniques do you use for your man to cum inside your mouth?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Why do flat earthers exist?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?

TEXT:

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Gun owners, imagine if an attacker comes to your home and takes your gun to use against you before you had the chance to pick it up. Would you regret owning a gun?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Why do some people never get to on a date even though they wanted to? Are they just too ugly and weird for everybody?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

How will the article end in Part III of Gleissner's hit piece?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.